My husband drinks: what to do, reasons, signs and mistakes

The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman is faced with her husband's alcoholism, it turns out that 30% of our families have alcoholics - this number is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol consumption has a harmful effect on the whole family, and most of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and the children of such families suffer. We are trying to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.

The main reasons why the husband starts drinking

First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. However, by drinking for pleasure, a male drinker is likely to become an alcoholic over time. The reasons why the husband starts drinking are:

1. Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties and socializing for the sake of the atmosphere. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, or a cocktail or two at a bar on the weekend - there seems to be nothing wrong with that.
2. Traditions. In our country, men grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it's customary to drink on holidays, when something important happens, you have to get drunk first, and people who don't drink are distrusted in society. .
3. Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol, thus overcoming shyness.
4. Tension. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes the image of a brutal, masculine man on the man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the development and development of alcoholism.

How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs

Many men drink alcohol occasionally, such as on holidays. Sometimes they go overboard. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of such men. Alcoholism can only be diagnosed by a doctor. There are warning signs when they appear, it's time to act.

Regular use

If a man does not drink occasionally, but often and regularly, for example on weekends, it is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, it is a sign of addiction. It is also important what kind of drinks you drink and in what quantity. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.

Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms

Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use cause severe poisoning, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, i. e. resistance to alcohol, increases and a person can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - feeling bad the next morning. in the last stage of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - a small amount of alcohol is enough to get drunk, literally "to smell the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong desire for alcohol and a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The hangover habit becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.

The appearance of binges

Binge drinking is the continuous consumption of alcohol for several (3 or more) days. At the same time, the drinking husband enters a peculiar cycle of drinking: he feels sick every morning, gets a hangover, then drinks during the day and gets heavily drunk again, feels sick again the next morning, and everything repeats. In case of long-term alcohol consumption, mental disorders appear, for example alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", an altered state of consciousness accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.

Personality changes

Regular drunkenness leads to gradual personality changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction specialists are aware of them. Such changes include:

• Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
• Weakening of the will, inability to resist desires;
• Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
• Inability to take responsibility for your actions;
• Lies to loved ones and self-deception.

Over time, an alcoholic man becomes a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, he cannot be counted on - after all, he can get drunk at any moment, forget agreements, spend money. money or even show aggression towards your loved ones : In this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences intense guilt, anger, or frustration, which again drives him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say about them: "He's so good when he's sober, but when he drinks, he's a different person. "

Social consequences

Usually, the relatives of a drinking man hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when this is difficult to do. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. You can commit various crimes or get injured while intoxicated. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, the people around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to the alcoholic's peers. When this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a vicious circle.

Mistakes wives often make with their drinking husbands

Psychologists call wives of drinking husbands "codependents". This term refers to relatives of addicts who are closely related to them and whose psyche inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that they contribute to the development of alcoholism even against their will. Here is the mainmistakes that wives of alcoholics make:

1. Accusations. Of course, a drunken man's behavior and its consequences are not pleasing to their wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only support the feeling of guilt - this is one of the main causes of alcoholism.
2. He tries to hide the problem from others. It often happens that the wife covers her husband in front of relatives, finds excuses for her superiors and solves all problems herself. Or he insists that he drinks at home, locked up - it's safer.
3. Supporting the addict's lifestyle: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover" from the hangover, gives him money to drink, finds him among his alcoholic friends, brings him home. Sometimes she drinks with him - thinking that he will drink less this way.
4. Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they never come true.
5. Ignoring the problem: since the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife resignedly tolerates his drunken behavior.

In codependent families, a situation is often observed when the wife apparently struggles with her husband's alcoholism - she embarrasses him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and causes scandals. But at the same time, all his attempts have no effect: the husband just drinks more and more, and the wife has a harder time. But he gets a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are aware of the situation. Compared to her husband, to those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr, people sympathize with her and sympathize with her. She justifies her own problems and failures with her husband's alcoholism.

What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists

If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to put up with this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and leave. Moreover, a drunken husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. Those close to the alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.

1. The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Don't forget that there are no former alcoholics. To avoid provocation, never have alcohol in your house again.
2. Most likely, the husband does not recognize the problem and does not want to deal with it until the last moment. Sometimes after a scary or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but then their resolve weakens—until the next time. Narcologists can help - they clean the blood of toxins, alleviate a serious physical condition, improve well-being with the help of drugs. A psychotherapist should then work with the addict, as psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
3. Connecting is important. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't have to be a psychologist because of your husband. Mental problems are better left to a professional.
4. Change your environment. Any alcoholic friend who drags a recovering person back into the swamp should be cut out of their life.
5. Don't take it all on yourself. Don't give money to your husband, don't hide your problems from relatives. Remember, you're human too. Take care of yourself, don't build your life around a family problem.
6. Do not be ashamed of a man and do not feel sorry for him. If you see that he wants to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be adamant if he reaches for the bottle again.

Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family alone. Ask for help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.

Traditional methods of treating alcoholism

All treatment methods can be divided into drug and psychotherapeutic treatment.

With the help of medicines, doctors:

• Relieves hangovers;
• Improves well-being, supports the functioning of internal organs;
• Cleanse the blood of toxic substances - the breakdown products of alcohol;
• Reduce the desire to drink alcohol - called replacement therapy.

Psychotherapeutic methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:

• Coding: the doctor tells the addict not to drink or something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of drug coding was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which released poison when alcohol entered the bloodstream, which led to the patient's death.
• Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives instructions not to drink and not to desire alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but a little more gentle, as it does not pose a direct threat to health or life when used.
• NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's perception channels - auditory, visual and tactile - to reinforce the desired reactions and reduce the desire for alcohol.
• Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): the psychotherapist deeply analyzes the addict's psychological problems and suggests ways to solve them, helping them learn new ways of behaving.

Alternative medicine

Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbs, which, when used together with alcohol, cause a strong reaction in the body. For example, porcini mushrooms are tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol they cause severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With long-term use, the active ingredients of the mushroom accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, giving a characteristic reaction to each alcohol consumption. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics from addiction.

Folk remedies are also used to relieve the painful condition of alcohol poisoning: a mixture of mint and lemongrass decoction, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, cabbage and pomegranate juice.

All kinds of conspiracies and slander about water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, reprimands against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.

Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?

Some wives, seeing that their husbands will not stop drinking alcohol, try to get him to quit the bad habit without his knowledge. For example, certain medicines are added to food and drink. This is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend it.

In order to stop drinking, the addict must want to stop drinking, he must realize that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships, and life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives to never stop drinking.

However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can do at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and which are entirely up to her. You need to recognize your victimhood and change your mindset. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. To change yourself and think more about yourself, you may need long-term psychological work.

How do you know when to seek the help of a narcologist?

There are several characteristic signs, based on which we can definitely say that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without the help of a professional. These include:

• Frequent, regular use in case of painful hangover;
• Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
• Drinks alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
• Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
• Multi-day binges from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.

All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. The relatives of the alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will quickly develop, which will have the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor immediately.